Ahhh...Did you just say you hear voices in your head?
This is going to sound a little whacked out to most people. I did a little homework, and I was surprised to learn that most people who "hear voices" are not mentally ill. Here is a link to a secular explanation: Hearing Voices. Here is one with a Christian explanation: You Can Hear God.
I don't know if what I experience is similar to those mentioned in the links, as I have never talked with anyone else who shares the experience. However, what I experience is much more like the Christian explanation link. I am not going to debate it, or worry about it. If I am a whacko, well I hope you enjoy the fruits of my crazy brain in sonic form. ;)
How It All Started
It all started during the fall of 2013 when I was praying. I had heard the "voice" speak to me a few times before, but I always seemed to forget what was said. So, one time while praying I heard a thought that said "get a notepad and pencil and write down what you hear". Seemed simple enough, and so began my prayer journal.
It is interesting that when I am writing in my prayer journal, and I hear God, I basically take dictation. I don't edit or erase. Just keep writing what the voice in my head says. It's not really a voice...kinda hard to explain. It is more like thoughts that are coming from outside of my consciousness. I don't know what is going to be said. It is really different than my own "brain storming" when writing lyrics or anything else I am doing with intentional thought. Strangely, it is like a dialog one would have via a chat client, but it happens in my head. It sounds crazy when I try to explain it, even to me. It only happens when I am alone, and sometimes not for months or more.
I can't explain it as anything other than what I think it is, a gift. It is like the spiritual gifts discussed in the Bible that the Holy Spirit gives out, such as; Words of Knowledge, Wisdom, or Prophecy. It differs slightly in that it seems to be told to me for my benefit. I have never had any words for anyone else during these times.
I don't expect anyone to believe me, because even I had a hard time with it. I feared it was demonic or something. But, I guess if you can believe that, then you can also believe God speaks too. I have never been told anything that is harmful or counter to anything in the Bible. If it were demonic, I am guessing it would be.
If I am crazy...then I am crazy for Jesus and I doubt I am a danger to anyone or myself. Death Metal seems to be socially acceptable and legal, so I doubt anything I put to music will be dangerous to anyone except maybe for the business of the Devil and his legion of demons. ;)
So, with all that said, let's begin.
Excerpts From My Journal: Revelation of the Name Antari:
"You are a voice of the spirit, destined to be heard throughout the Earth...like a wind passing over the ocean and the highest mountain tops. You will sound out to many the wisdom of the spirit in perfect harmony. This is your destiny...this is your purpose...I created you for this. Only you can fulfill this call. It is more than a call. It is the very essence of who you are...if you choose to surrender into all that i have for you."
"Much of your service to me will not be visible to others. What is to be done through you will not be in a spot light. It will be like air filling the room with a sweet aroma...but it is unseen. This will help to keep you in service to me, and not to the agenda of others. "
"INVISIBLE MESSENGER - LIKE THE WIND...that is what your spirit name “Antari” means."
When I heard that in my prayer, I knew exactly how to spell it and pronounce it, though I don't recall hearing it before that moment. A while later, I Googled Antari Name Meaning and this is what I found:
* Antari is Indonesian Java origin name.
* Meaning of Antari name : WIND
This was an amazing revelation. I found one name definition on all of Google and it basically means just what God told me it meant in my journal. In the past, I have doubted whether I really heard from God in my journal, or if I was just super creative in my writing. Anyway, this revelation sealed the deal for me. There is no other explanation for me. I believe God speaks directly to me on occasion, and has been for a while now. Some will think that is non-sense. I don't care what some think.
He also told me this regarding my music: "You need to create “your” music, because I put it in you. Only you can do it. You have to share, with the world, what I put inside you...if you want to be free. Without anticipation. Without expectation. Listen to your heart, your spirit...and let it sing. Record it how it touches you, not how you think it should touch others. "
"Your music is my gift to you...to your spirit. It is for You! It need not be gauged, or bench marked by others. This is a trap set by the enemy. He wants you to focus...“anticipate”...on outward expression giving you some kind of purpose or validation. As long as you think that way, you will be stuck...like you are now. Just let it out, because it is in you. Leave who else it touches, to me."
So, I created this space on my website for the music I believe GOD has given me to share with the world. It is my prayer that listening to it will touch something in your soul, like it does for me.
MAY GOD BLESS YOU!